Yes, you read it right…. set limits that reflect YOUR needs. Since you are the adult responsible for guiding the child/children in your care, any limits that you set need to be ones that you are happy to choose associated consequences that go with them.
I have spoken to parents who have perhaps chosen limits that can sometimes become counter productive because they have involved actions or decisions that affect them more than actually benefitting themselves or the child concerned.
You see the goal is to help the child self regulate, not for you or the child to end up in further distress or aggravation, otherwise you are both simply spinning your wheels and there is no gain for either party.
So, in choosing limits with children in accordance there are a couple of things to consider:
Are they age appropriate?
Are they meaningful and relevant to the child?
Do they match the goal/desired behaviour/have positive opportunities for emotional growth to occur?
For example you may allow older children a later bed time than younger children, or you may set different amount of screen time available for children dependent on their age. Older children tend to use gaming time for social connection, whilst younger children may use it to assist educational learning goals like reading or maths practice.
Now that you have answered those questions, you can set limits that are
Simple and clear to explain
Easy for the child to understand
Able to be reinforced whenever required (without having to explain again)
Yes, I’ll admit I am a talker, in fact those who know me, will testify to this. However, when it comes to conversing with children, sometimes less, can be more.
By minimising how much you say, it can have greater effects, and in some sense ‘wins’ in your relationships. After all, it is said, that children do what you do, not what you say….
One such example is when you hear yourself becoming exasperated by repeating the same request for children to
Clean their room
Pick up their dirty clothes/towels/uniforms off the floor
Stop arguing with their siblings
Go to sleep or get up in the morning…….!!!!
Since these are often based on daily routines and requests please bear in mind that your children do know what is expected…and they can, and will likely follow up independently when they realise that no one else will do it for them – tempting as it may be!
Possibly one of the most common things I support families with is managing challenging behaviours. I would like to save you a lot of time, tears and trouble by sharing with you my top 5 Tips for Keeping the Peace in your home.
* Talk LESS!
* Use reflective questioning techniques
* Set limits and follow through with all consequences
* Set boundaries that take into consideration YOUR needs FIRST
* Do not engage in angry conversations
I will cover each of these points in detail one tip at a time over the coming weeks.
Not only am I an advocate of tapping for others – I am also a tapping client to my practitioner. For the past little while I had been trying to work through some thoughts from my daily life and also trying to decipher the content of crazy dreams.
It is when I feel I need to ‘get out of my own way’ that I call for back up! Yes, I use tapping for lots of reasons myself, but there are times that I benefit from the wisdom of being assisted, and remaining true to myself by asking for this help.
I am still feeling the result from a recent session where the intensity was a big 10 out of 10 on the emotional scale and within what felt like seconds to me I was able to return to 0 – to the point I had to ‘return to my body’.
Feelings that had been held in my body’s cellular memory that had been buried in my subconscious were released, leaving me to feel free to focus on creating my future with intention and purpose.
Tapping is POWERFUL.
Tapping has helped me change my life – how can I assist you to change yours?
– Are you feeling below par even though you have just had a holiday?
– Worried about how you are going to get through until the next one?
– Not getting the relief you need from stress without taking medication, junk food or alcohol?
Tapping could be your answer!
Come to a free 90 minute session to discover an easy, safe and effective technique to help restore peace and restore a sense of wellbeing using Tapping (Thought Field Therapy) and gain hands on experience that you can take with you everywhere you go and learn to set up the day ahead filled with more confidence and enthusiasm before it begins. You don’t have to wait until the weekend to feel good again!
Bookings through Eventbrite
Thursday, 21 March 2019 from 18:30-20:00pm Shine Health Wellbeing Centre 35 Bluff Rd, Black Rock, Australia 3193